In Defense of Keanu Reeves

The next day, I bumped into Keanu Reeves outside Panne Chocolat in Hollywood. I hadn’t seen him since we’d worked on ‘Speed’; I’d played the third SWAT team cop in the subway during the final chase scene. On this particular afternoon, I'd just left Larry's World of Protein Shakes after picking up a Soy-Guava Muscle Builder. Keanu and I were both trying to park our cars in the same spot along Franklin. He started to inch his Mercedes in front of my Hyundai. I leaned my head out the window.

"Hey Keanu—I'm parking here."

"Dude, I was here first."

"No you weren't."

"Yes I was."

I took a sip of my protein shake and climbed out of my car. "Look, you know I've always respected you. I love 'Point Break' and all. But I'm tellin' you, I was already backing into that spot."

"No you weren't, dude."

"Yes I was. I had my reverse light on."

"But you didn't have your signal on."

"Doesn't matter."

I paused and took a sip of my protein shake. Keanu looked at the shake. He pointed to it. "Dude, is that a Larry's shake?"

"Yup."

"Ahh, that's good stuff."

"Yeah."

Keanu smiled. "Anyone who's into protein shakes is all right with me." He gave me a funny look and repeated himself: "Anyone who's into protein shakes is all right with me."

Suddenly I felt light-headed. I tried to look at Keanu, but he was gesturing with his hand. He smiled at me. "This isn't the parking spot you're looking for."

I nodded. "This isn't the parking spot I'm looking for..."

"You're about to drive away."

"I'm about to drive away," I repeated.

"Keanu Reeves is a great actor."

"Keanu Reeves is a great actor..."

"Move along."

"Yeah..."

I smiled, got in my car, and drove away.